MEXICAN POLICE – THE ONLY CARTEL YOU'RE GUARANTEED TO MEET IN MEXICO.

When you arrive in Mexico, you'll meet amazing people: warm, friendly, fun-loving, open-minded individuals eager to connect and help. You'll find beauty, kindness, and unforgettable experiences. One thing you won’t encounter—despite what the headlines scream—are cartel members. But what you will definitely meet, without fail, is the police. They're everywhere. On every street, at every intersection, patrolling with military-grade weapons and often riding in groups on the back of pick-up trucks.

And let me warn you—this is not a good thing.

Forget everything you know about police in Europe or the U.S., where even if corruption exists, there's still a sense of order, accountability, and public service. In Mexico, the police are a well-organized racket, the most visible and aggressive gang in the country, wearing uniforms and pretending to serve the public. And worst of all? They’ve made tourists their number one target.

SHAKEDOWNS ON WHEELS

You won't be stopped for speeding. You won't be stopped because your car is unsafe. You’ll be stopped simply because you look like you have money—and they want it.

These stops are elaborate heists. The amount they take from you doesn't depend on any law—only on how much cash you have on hand. And yes, they’ll happily escort you to an ATM if your wallet isn’t fat enough.

If you resist? They'll threaten to tow your car, confiscate your papers, or even jail you. And if you still don’t pay, they’ll call in reinforcements, accuse you of drug trafficking, and tear your car and bags apart in a prolonged, humiliating search that won’t stop until you break.

Your options?

1. Hide your cash deep in your luggage. Carry only your ID, vehicle papers, and a small amount (say 500 pesos) in your pocket. If they stop you, tell them you were just robbed and you're waiting for your embassy or family to send money. Trust me—they’ll let you go when they see there’s nothing to steal.

   
   

2. Language barrier tactic: When stopped, pretend you don’t speak Spanish or English. Use any other language—make one up if you must. Answer every question in gibberish. If your passengers play along and feign confusion, the officers will get frustrated and give up. Works like magic.

   
   

EXTORTION ON FOOT

Not in a car? Doesn’t matter. The police also stop pedestrians for “offenses” like drinking a beer in public, crossing the street incorrectly (it is not important if it happened) , or just walking suspiciously. It’s all a setup. They’ll pressure you, intimidate you, and the second you reveal you have cash, it’s gone.

Stick to the same defenses. Keep money hidden. Fake confusion. Never admit you have access to more. Always act broke, confused, and inconvenient.

WHAT IF YOU ARE THE VICTIM?

Now let’s flip the script. What if you actually need help from the police?

Here’s the brutal truth: unless you need a police report for insurance purposes, don’t waste your time. If you’ve been robbed, assaulted, or had your property stolen, don’t expect anything beyond bureaucracy, delays, and frustration.

They'll send you from one station to another with excuses like, “It’s not our jurisdiction,” or “That officer isn’t here today.” If you insist, they’ll eventually assign you a clerk, not a detective. And before the clerk starts your report, they might scold you—for not bringing lunch or coffee. Not joking. I watched a local run out to buy food for a clerk just to be served.

Eventually, you’ll receive a report full of errors—wrong name, wrong number, wrong details. When you ask for corrections, they’ll react as if you just insulted their entire family.

And wait—there’s more. You’ll need an official translator, even if you speak Spanish, and that could take days. Then, maybe—maybe—you’ll meet a detective. But they’re probably stationed in a completely different part of town, in a hidden office with no signage.

Once there, the detective may tell you the crime was misclassified, or that it’s not their responsibility. But if—by some miracle—they agree to take the case, they’ll do it using a typewriter from the 1800s, because “the computer doesn’t work.”

You made it this far. You’re thinking: will they help now?

Nope. Not unless you pay.

Yes, the police might actually demand money for gas, lunch, or just the motivation to investigate. And even then, don’t expect results. By then, evidence is long gone, surveillance erased, and suspects vanished.

THE SICK JOKE OF MEXICAN JUSTICE

In government offices and prosecutor’s buildings, you’ll see signs stating officials don’t accept bribes. With their full name, photo, and title printed next to this proud claim.

What a joke.

I once sat in an office with ten prosecutors, each at their desk, each facing a citizen giving testimony. One of them looked me in the eye and casually asked how much I’d be willing to pay to “speed things up.” I asked him how much, what I’d get, and what guarantees he could offer. He shrugged and said, “Just make an offer.”

I didn’t pay. Years later, my case still hasn’t moved an inch. Would it be different if I had? Who knows?

THE SAD Truth about Mexican Police 

A police officer I met over drinks once told me that when they take a patrol vehicle, they first have to pay the dispatcher a fee out of pocket—just to use it. So naturally, they make that money back. How? By robbing people. Tourists especially.

I live in Mexico. I love this country. I love its people, its nature, its music, its spirit. But the police? They are not from this planet. If I had superpowers, I’d teleport them all back to the hell they came from.